I had EDNOS (most of you know this by now) and part of that different eating “rules”. Not at night, not in front of other people, only once a day, etc.
Fast forward 5 years. I’m happy and healthy. I’m kicking refined sugars and flours out of my diet. This is healthy. But I will still have them if eating out, cooked for by someone else… other cirrcumstances which I have only limited control over.
However, doing this also freaks me out a bit. And all I feel is “ugh I’m blowing my diet.” Even though I’ve always been a vegetarian I’ve never felt an urgency like this around that particular restriction. Its almost a fear, but I’m also an incredibly driven person—so its the same sort of dertermined feeling I get at work to do this NOW and do it RIGHT.
So now I’m going to spend half of my day cooking, eating, and working out.
The other half will be spent worried I’m relasping, although its been 5 years since I pretty miich “recovered”.
BAD TIMES, TUMBLR.
Things I don’t really talk about: my thigh gap.
Yeah. That’s right. I’m still technically overweight and I have a thigh gap. Not when I walk, but when I stand. (You can see it in this picture too. My legs look like they’re far apart, but they’re feet together.)
And it’s not like I don’t have thunder thighs. My thighs are goddamn massive—toonns of muscle and still a good amount of fat. I don’t like wearing shorts. But still: when I stand, they don’t touch.
Now why is that? It’s all about anatomy. My hips are massive so my legs are set wide apart. That’s really it. My roommate is 120lbs and doesn’t have one because her hips are too narrow.
It literally has nothing to do with body fat.
Lessons learned here:
- The thigh gap is bullshit
- The BMI scale is bullshit
THIS JUST IN: I CAN FIT INTO BRAS SOLD IN STORES AGAIN.
And here’s the story of my boobs:
- Had a 34C in high school (EDNOS)
- Went up to a 34D in college (recovery)
- Up to a 38D over the years (weight gain/obesity)
- Somehow ended up a fucking 36DDD (40lbs lost)
- Now a 34DD
TMI Saturday and idgaf. Time to party kids.
Let me prefaces this with one thing: I don’t believe in diets.
A dramatic and short-term change in your eating or depriving yourself of foods you love might help you lose a few pounds momentarily, but they’ll all be back again. If you want to lose big and lose for life, you need to change your lifestyle around.
Here are three periods in my life to show you what lifestyle change can do for your weight and health. Hopefully you can take away something from it if you’re struggling with weight gain (or loss) and need a little nudge:
High School - EDNOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) - Lost 15lbs in 1 year
- Ate small or no breakfast
- Went to school, didn’t eat or drink all day
- Came home from school, had small or no meal with Crystal Lite
- Pretty much stayed home and went online
- Drank Crystal Lite at night
College - Unhealthy Lifestyle - Gained 70lbs over 5 years
- Overslept, got coffee and egg sandwich from Dunkin’ Donuts
- Went to class
- Break between classes = energy drink, 5 Hour Energy, or adderall
- Went to next class
- Go to work (starving by this point—might grab bag of chips, another energy drink, or some snack)
- Went home, 2-3 bowls of pasta or 2 sandwiches
- Probably did homework; probably did more caffeine or adderall
- Would eat again when roommates came home
- Would go out and drink (mostly hard liquor, maybe with more uppers)
- Probably another snack (leftover pizza, chips) before going to bed
Today - Post-College Healthy-Lifestyle - Lost 60lbs in 1 year (and still going!)
- Wake up at 6:30 to make omelette or egg tacos
- Go to design job - snack on carrots, almonds, or a banana while I’m there
- 2 hour lunch break: make a sandwich or salad and walk my dog for an hour
- Go to teaching job - piece of fruit and maybe a snack with the kids (they always offer me cookies or crackers and I usually nibble one, but never more than that)
- Have another snack post-work: usually nuts or fruit
- Go straight to do cardio or CrossFit
- Have a high-protein light dinner: sushi, veggie-burger salad, stir fry or sandwiches are my fave
- Walk the dog again with my boyfriend or roommtae
- Go to sleep around 11
Now which one of those seems the most pleasant? I’m always awake-feeling; I snack all of the time; I eat amazing, clean food; and I enjoy the most of my day. Losing weight and getting fit is hard work but just the process itself is rewarding.
FOR FUCKING REAL. I got the brilliant idea to stop eating for almost two years because health class made anorexia look so effective. I had to spend a lot of money on trainers, do tons of research, and spend hours online to figure out how to lose weight any other way.
Shit is fucked up.